How to Make a Relationship Last

Hi Jay,

How do you make a relationship last?

How to Make a Relationship Last

There is a one-word answer on how to make a relationship last and that is ‘compromise’.  If you are able and willing to compromise then you are able and willing to cause a relationship to grow.  Compromise goes deep.  It is not just compromising on simple things but it is compromising on positions and deep-seated feelings and preferences that you may have about something.  What some forget when they start a relationship that has the potential to go long term is that the relationship is designed to change them.  Everything about yourself that you once held has to mold in order to create the new “oneness” that you are creating with someone.  If you are a person that is unwilling to compromise or allow growth to hit your life, then a long-term relationship is not for you.  The relationship will only go as far as you are willing to compromise.  You have to learn how to grow with your significant other.

If you are looking for those butterfly feelings of love and affection to make a relationship last then I’m going to tell you to grow up.  Love and affection will not cause a relationship to work long-term.  Those butterfly feelings won’t even last consistently.  They will come and go and come and go again and this happens as a repeated cycle as you two start to become one.  The love you have for your mate will always be the foundation to keep the relationship sturdy, but it will not give you the tools to make it work for the long run.  Keep in mind that well built doesn’t always lead to great operation. You can buy a Porsche all day long but if you don’t know how to drive it, it will offer no pleasure to you.

Using Tools to Make It Last

Yes, sometimes people who really love each other have to split because they lack the ability to use other tools to make their relationship work.  The tools to make a relationship work are communication, security (in yourself), trust (in yourself), Honesty (to yourself).  We are doing it backward.  Things like trust, honesty, communication, and security are not things that you should focus on trying to give your partner; you need to be focusing on ensuring that you know how to give those things to yourself.  Then, you will naturally give those things to your partner.

You cannot give your partner honesty and openness when you are afraid to be honest and open with yourself.  You cannot give them what you do not even harness within yourself.  The state of a relationship is only a reflection of the two people in it.  The way you behave negatively in a relationship is a reflection of yourself, your lies, your self-deception, your insecurity, and your fears. My theory is simple.  The best way to make a relationship last is to look in the mirror.  Even if the relationship is with a horrible person, if you always filter and correct what you bring to the table, even that bad relationship will have some longevity to it.

I want to close by mentioning again that if your purpose for wanting a relationship is only about love and affection or if you believe your love and affection is enough to keep the relationship going, then you are surely about to disappoint yourself big time.  You will not always feel the butterflies consistently.  It comes and goes as I have already stated, but what continues is the presence of you two in the relationship. You will have to learn how to depend on other aspects of the relationship to make it fulfilling such as friendship, companionship, partnership (as in sharing responsibilities and goals).  Sometimes, just having your partner around can be fulfilling.  You’d be surprised just how much their presence is valuable to you until one day they are not there.  Learn the ‘total package concept’ and know that addressing stubbornness and selfish pettiness within yourself is how you can make a relationship that is great last.

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