Love at First Sight

A Woman Finds Love at First Sight

Hi Jay!

I met the most awesome man about a month ago. When I first saw him, it truly felt like love at first sight. Our chemistry was instant and I do think I love him. I think he loves me too. We haven’t said it to each other yet, but I know how I feel. My girlfriend thinks I am jumping the gun and I’m just going to set myself up to be hurt. I don’t think so and I’m ready to start building a future with him right away.  Should I slow this ship down some and hold back my feelings? Am I moving too fast or is how I feel just fine?

-A fool in love

Hi Fool in Love

Why don’t we dock the ship for a while and really explore some things about your situation?  Love is a wonderful feeling and it can cause us to move so quickly in new relationships.  I do believe in love at first sight.  Love is a complex thing and to love someone truly takes time.  It is something that you acquire with experience and exposure.  What most of us are perceiving as love in the beginning phases of a relationship is not truly love but a deep attraction coupled with fulfillment and other emotions.

I think what you are feeling is just that, deep attraction that is coupled with other feelings of exhilaration and emotional highs that can very much feel like “love”.  We have learned to coin these feelings as love when they should not be labeled as that.  Let’s say you are in “intense like” with this guy.  Love is such a deep and transformational thing and I’m not saying that you cannot learn to love someone very quickly, but when it takes place in such a short amount of time, you do owe it to yourself to slow down and truly evaluate how you feel about this person.  Please also understand that just because you do love him after only a month, that doesn’t mean that this love for him is healthy for you.

What do you know about him?  I say often that it takes more than love to make a relationship last longer than a year or two.  There has to be communication and not just the friendly communication that two people usually show one another in the first month.  What about how you two communicate when you are angry at each other?  Love won’t always mend these types of breakdowns.  Two people have to have much more in common than just love to make a fulfilling and lasting relationship work.

Yes, you do owe it to yourself to slow down and evaluate your place with him.  Ask yourself if you are willing to give this man a key to your house and full access to all of your personal belongings?  Do not kid yourself either; answer this truthfully.  If you can’t say that you can trust him enough to give him all access to personal things of yours such as a home or your finances, then he should not have such grand access to your heart.

Love at First Sight

“Love at first sight” may be true for some but whether it’s something that happens for real or not, never rush through the most significant phase of a new relationship.  That phase is the phase where two people unravel the mysteries of one another and they fall immensely in love with each other.  Falling love in an ongoing thing.  Don’t short circuit it to a one-time occurrence that happens right away.  No, it happens often and throughout the courting phase of your relationship.  Enjoy it and let it ride smoothly.  Don’t make any sudden moves in this period.  You’ll soon regret it.

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